Back in the days when every home had a parlor, you entered it rarely, and you certainly weren't meant to be comfortable there. But no matter the cost, every house had to have one. Stiff and overstuffed, the parlor was considered a gesture of culture and civilization when the country was still half wilderness, a grab for civilized living, it represented calm and dignity.

The parlor was not just a room in the house, but a room a world apart, a reminder that life was not made up of slop jars and broad axes. It was sort of an island, filled with treasure, where one could retreat on special occasions for refreshment. It was a sanctuary of family memories, precious objects, presents from lost friends, and the family Bible. It was America's determination to achieve "the good life."

Although no room in the American home in the 19th century was more tenderly cared for, no room came under more criticism. It was the decorators gold mine, and the bottomless pit of the family budget. It was a chamber of horrors for restless children, and a rack of boredom for tired men.

The parlor, derived from the French verb 'parler' where in polite urban circles anything French was considered more fashionable than anything English. Fashions in the decoration of the parlor changed throughout the 19th century, from Greek revival of the 1830's, to plush and velvet in the 1850's.

The trouble with parlors was that it occupied far too large a part of the budget. Many families in New York spent so much on their parlor and dining room that they left the rest of the house in squalor. (This was also true of the farm families.) The cost of furnishing the parlor was nearly enough to take husbands breath away.

It was the parlor that the most formal moments of family life were endured, the formal call, the tea party, the evening reception, the dreadful few minutes before a dinner party, and the hushed conversation when a family member died.

Writers of books of etiquette had advice to offer on every aspect of parlor etiquette. So many families that had parlors really didn't know how to behave in them, hence the behavior books. After all, there were rules, rules, and more rules!

One of the biggest problems with a parlor was how to get in it gracefully, and out of it without fumbling. It was well known how to enter a room, but it was much better to know when and how to leave it! The important thing to remember was not to stand hammering and fumbling, when going, announce it, thank the hostess and leave.

The parlor etiquette books also listed suitable topics for conversation and also indicated topics that were socially taboo. Gentlemen were not to talk politics and religious and moral questions were to be avoided. The art of conversation was not to be taken lightly, always avoid talking too much about yourself, or your personal problems. It was considered in bad taste in the highly mobile society of America to ask questions that might remind a woman that she came from humble origins, but rather to converse as if they had been ladies always.

Men for the most part viewed the parlor as one of the trials of life that one was expected to make the best of and try not to make a fool of oneself. It was part of the sacrifice that the American male grudgingly granted was due his wife. To children the parlor was the place where they were to be seen, not heard, unless of course they were asked to perform some talent.

The downfall of such a room as the parlor was bound to come sooner or later, many of its social values were false and the discomforts far outweighed the comforts. As time passed a woman's dream house was no longer built around a parlor, but a place where you could put your feet up and stretch out and be comfortable. Perhaps there was some sense in the men's attitude toward the parlor after all!

Facebook  MySpace  Digg  Stumble    Mixx  Fark  del.icio.us   LiveSpaces

Member Comments

View Comments: | Post a comment

No comments posted for this article.

You must first login before you can comment.